Is Pomposity an Art Form?

This is my parody of Lance Collins's columns on psychology in the U.H. student newspaper Ka Leo O Hawai'i. --Stuart K. Hayashi

"Unless You Are a Colonial Imperialist, My Greatness Cannot Be Denied

"By Vance D. Stalins, Head of State for the Prinipalia of Manoa, Province of the Haunani-Kay Republic of Hawai'i

"As the fantastic prodigy that I am, I ascertain that the constructivist element of the psychological Electra complex necessitates vacillation between penal and vaginal forces. They collide to produce an unholy melding of spirit and flesh that soars into the core of the earth as a metaphysical guide through the intellectualization of the Freudian hypothesis. However, the powers of Jupiter and Saturn interfere with the catalyzation of production for the benefit of global labor environment. Capitalism thereby inhibits the joys of postEnlightenment neurobiological feats.

"I thus postulate that an unhealhty intake of calories from french fries induces a chain reaction which heats the operant conditioning to the extent where chimpanzees learn to love one another in a harmony that Euro-Americans cannot yet fully comprehend.

" Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

" [Imagine an obscene cartoon of famous/notorious people embracing here.]

"Those who say that they favor war but love freedom see no need to distinguish between frogs and toads, for that would mean admiting to themselves that they are haters of human offspring and are the rendezvous of wistful postgovernmental legal theory.

"Therefore, everyone is a closet homosexual."

Is that an accurate parody of Lance Collins's editorials? Click here to see what a real piece of his writing looks like. And here is another one. The University of Hawaii's student dues pay for all of that.